Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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