There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
