can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
