OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
