I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
