I have demons in me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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