I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
