I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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