Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
