i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
