there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
