And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
