every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
