I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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