Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
