I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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