the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
