he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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