Michael Bay diarrhea
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
