Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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