we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
