I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
