i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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