Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
