i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
