he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
