I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
