i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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