If i come over, it means nothing
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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