you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
