so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
