apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
