Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
