I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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