: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
