so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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