I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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