I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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