so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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