I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
