Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
