Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize