god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I deserve this hangover.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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