I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
