Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
