Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
