I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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