I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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