you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
