cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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