your parents love me but you hate me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
