I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
