this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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