my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
