Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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