she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
