Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
