Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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