imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
