I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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