I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize