So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
