Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
