Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
