actually, I'm a sock model
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
