I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
