How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
