What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
