i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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