Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
