Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
