i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
