In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A+ Viking dick
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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