On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
