the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
