Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
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TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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